Remembering the Ironman . . . the Finale.

So, it has been just over one month since the Ironman and life has managed to go forward for everyone around me without much of a change. It's so odd. It reminds me of when I got married or when I had my children. Everything about me -- my core, my very center, my life -- had chanaged dramatically and yet the miracle that had occured in my life was virtually unnoticed by those around me. When I had my first daughter I wanted to shout, "People!! Have you not noticed that much like Alien, an entire human being just popped out of me!! Granted, she is not a monster -- she is, in fact, an angel -- but, either way, since this miracle has occured surely life must take a moment -- time must at least hiccup -- so everyone can cherish this amazing gift!!!" That, of course, never happened. I suppose it is not the act of having a child that is the miracle -- it is the change that occurs in your soul that is so miraculous.

Ironman was very similar for me. How was it possible that friends could ask "how was Ironman" in one breath and then begin telling me about the long lines that they had to endure at the grocery store or ask me if I've seen the latest popular tv show in the next. I just completed an IRONMAN!! Shouldn't time have stopped? Shouldn't the oceans have parted? At the very least animals should have begun walking on two legs and speaking proper English!! Do not misunderstand me -- it's not that the people who love and support me didn't care -- it's simply that this is another one of those amazing experiences that is so self-contained within yourself that it is utterly impossible for others who have not experienced it to understand. But, make no mistake: it is AMAZING!! Absolutely beyond description. And, for the rest of my life, I will be markedly changed by this experience.

I have realized I am STRONG. Much stronger than I thought. I have the will to perservere and I will call upon this when life throws me for a loop.

I have learned that I can TRUST. This is usually difficult for me. I want to do things on my own and do not find it easy to trust someone to guide me blindly into the unknown -- particularly something that I am fearful of. But, I trusted my coaches on this journey -- fully and completely. I put my dream in their hands and I've learned that I can trust others to lead and it's okay for me to follow.

I've learned that I am WORTHY. I deserved this. I worked hard and was dedicated to this for a long time. I deserve to be proud. I can allow myself to toot my own horn. No matter how uncomfortable that is for me. I do not like attention. But I will allow myself to be openly proud of this accomplishment. And I will wear my new Ironman jacket with the enormous M-dot on the back with all the confidence and pride that I feel inside!!

And, most importantly, I've learned YES I CAN! That one statement that the wonderful Kate O. put on my arm in the early morning of the Ironman will carry me through many, many tough moments in my life. In the past, I have always held a little back in everything I've ever done. Mostly out of fear of failure. What if I couldn't do it? When I was doubtful, that little voice in my head would say "you can't do this. You know you can't handle this" And, now that faint whispering voice has been replaced by a loud, confident voice that screams "YES YOU CAN!" And, it is a wonderful sound!

So, Ironman is over. And I have a beautiful, pale pink M-dot tattoo on the back of my ankle to mark my accomplishment (courtesy of Coach Som!) I have wondered what I'm going to do this next year -- what will fill my time and strike that passion that Ironman did. And, I realize, that it cannot be recreated. It,again, reminds me of having a child: no matter how much you love the first one, it cannot be duplicated. Right now, I cannot imagine enjoying the next experience or being as touched as I have from this one -- but I know that once I plan and go for my next Ironman it will have its own unique, special qualities and I will undoubtedly love it just as much as my first. Until then, I am going to enjoy the next year of half-Ironmans and racing for "fun".

While, of course, waiting for the day IMAZ 2009 opens up . . .