Winter . . .

I am a California girl. Through and through. And what does that mean? Winter kills me. It's like water to the Wicked Witch. Or Kryptonite to Superman. It is literally sucking the life out of me. If I don't get bright beautiful sunshine at least once a week I get depressed. I honestly think I have that SAD disease where you need sunlight on a regular basis or you go wacko. Now I know most of you are probably saying, "What? Richmond has mild winters! And this one has been warm so far!" That may be true but, you see, I grew up in So. Cal. I like tank tops -- ALL YEAR LONG. I DESPISE jackets and sweaters and all this other bundled up stuff that makes me feel like the Michelin man.

A week or so ago we had an unseasonably warm night. I actually went for a run in shorts and a t-shirt. And I was like some maniac on crack. I wouldn't stop running. Despite the fact that I've been put on running restriction for my achilles and the fact that I usually dislike running! I just kept going and going like Forest Gump. If I hadn't had to fix the kids dinner, I think I would have just kept going until the weather got cold again -- which was the next day. Ugh!

Okay, enough of my bitching. I'll write something more positive soon (if it's warm) And, really, how many days until Spring???

Remembering the Ironman . . . the Finale.

So, it has been just over one month since the Ironman and life has managed to go forward for everyone around me without much of a change. It's so odd. It reminds me of when I got married or when I had my children. Everything about me -- my core, my very center, my life -- had chanaged dramatically and yet the miracle that had occured in my life was virtually unnoticed by those around me. When I had my first daughter I wanted to shout, "People!! Have you not noticed that much like Alien, an entire human being just popped out of me!! Granted, she is not a monster -- she is, in fact, an angel -- but, either way, since this miracle has occured surely life must take a moment -- time must at least hiccup -- so everyone can cherish this amazing gift!!!" That, of course, never happened. I suppose it is not the act of having a child that is the miracle -- it is the change that occurs in your soul that is so miraculous.

Ironman was very similar for me. How was it possible that friends could ask "how was Ironman" in one breath and then begin telling me about the long lines that they had to endure at the grocery store or ask me if I've seen the latest popular tv show in the next. I just completed an IRONMAN!! Shouldn't time have stopped? Shouldn't the oceans have parted? At the very least animals should have begun walking on two legs and speaking proper English!! Do not misunderstand me -- it's not that the people who love and support me didn't care -- it's simply that this is another one of those amazing experiences that is so self-contained within yourself that it is utterly impossible for others who have not experienced it to understand. But, make no mistake: it is AMAZING!! Absolutely beyond description. And, for the rest of my life, I will be markedly changed by this experience.

I have realized I am STRONG. Much stronger than I thought. I have the will to perservere and I will call upon this when life throws me for a loop.

I have learned that I can TRUST. This is usually difficult for me. I want to do things on my own and do not find it easy to trust someone to guide me blindly into the unknown -- particularly something that I am fearful of. But, I trusted my coaches on this journey -- fully and completely. I put my dream in their hands and I've learned that I can trust others to lead and it's okay for me to follow.

I've learned that I am WORTHY. I deserved this. I worked hard and was dedicated to this for a long time. I deserve to be proud. I can allow myself to toot my own horn. No matter how uncomfortable that is for me. I do not like attention. But I will allow myself to be openly proud of this accomplishment. And I will wear my new Ironman jacket with the enormous M-dot on the back with all the confidence and pride that I feel inside!!

And, most importantly, I've learned YES I CAN! That one statement that the wonderful Kate O. put on my arm in the early morning of the Ironman will carry me through many, many tough moments in my life. In the past, I have always held a little back in everything I've ever done. Mostly out of fear of failure. What if I couldn't do it? When I was doubtful, that little voice in my head would say "you can't do this. You know you can't handle this" And, now that faint whispering voice has been replaced by a loud, confident voice that screams "YES YOU CAN!" And, it is a wonderful sound!

So, Ironman is over. And I have a beautiful, pale pink M-dot tattoo on the back of my ankle to mark my accomplishment (courtesy of Coach Som!) I have wondered what I'm going to do this next year -- what will fill my time and strike that passion that Ironman did. And, I realize, that it cannot be recreated. It,again, reminds me of having a child: no matter how much you love the first one, it cannot be duplicated. Right now, I cannot imagine enjoying the next experience or being as touched as I have from this one -- but I know that once I plan and go for my next Ironman it will have its own unique, special qualities and I will undoubtedly love it just as much as my first. Until then, I am going to enjoy the next year of half-Ironmans and racing for "fun".

While, of course, waiting for the day IMAZ 2009 opens up . . .

Remembering the Ironman . . . Part 4 of 1,000,000

MARATHON: –noun
1. a foot race over a course measuring 26 mi. 385 yd. (42 km 195 m).
2. any contest, event, or the like, of great, or greater than normal, length or duration or requiring exceptional endurance


"Exceptional endurance . . ." That, my friends, is no joke. In the Ironman, I completed my first marathon.

First some background: when I was sixteen I tore my MCL and after surgery, 2 months in a cast and 6 months of physical training was told that there were certain activities that I would never be able to do: skiing and running. To make a long, loooooong, story short, I tore my MCL twice since then and doctors have always said the same thing: don't run. And, although at the time I had never even thought about running, hearing the words "do not" simply made me say "why the hell not? What do you 'doctors' know anyway?" (yeah, I realize that attitude is very '15 year old, hormonal teenager' but, never fear, I'm getting more than my share of payback from my own 15 year old hormonal teenager!!) Anyway, really, you see those guys in the NFL blow an ACL or MCL and get back out there a few weeks later, so it clearly could be done. I was not satisified to accept this silly diagnosis of "do not run." At first I rebelliously ran -- but wore my mammoth, jointed knee brace just to be safe. But a brace was uncomfortable so a few years ago, I decided to throw away the brace and take my chances. Two years ago, my orthopaedist told me that I needed surgery. I was not willing to accept that in order to continue they lifestyle that I wanted that I would have be in and out of stupid knee surgeries and physical therapy. I told my doctor that I would take my chances and that I was not going to have another surgery, I was not going to do physical therapy and I was not going to stop running. What I WAS going to do was to learn how to run properly, to strengthen my legs to protect my joint and to learn to listen to my body. And, through the years, I think I have accomplished that(knock, knock, KNOCK on wood!!!!) Although, on every run, no matter how long or short, the words "do not run" sit in the back of my mind causing me to question whether I can accomplish my goals. And, I still have knee issues -- it slips out now and then, it swells and it gets sore. But, that's life. I've accepted that I will never be the fastest runner and I still refuse to wear a brace. Which may or may not be stupid. But, then again, I also refused to accept the idea that I couldn't run. And, that was not stupid because now, I am an Ironman. So, perhaps, that gives you an idea of why this portion of the Ironman meant so much to me -- and why I was so fearful as I headed out of T2.

As I took the first few steps onto the run course, I was surprised at how good my legs felt. They really felt fresh and I was actually happy to be running instead of on the bike. The crowd around the transition area is immense so you get a lot of encouragement as you begin. And, having your name on your bib really helps A LOT. Specatators call you by name and personalize their support. "Cyndi! Look at you! You look great!" "Oh, man, Cyndi! I can see it! You want this, girl! Go get it!" "You're looking so strong, Cyndi! You've got this!" All these comments (and many more!) were said by people I didn't even know. People who had been out there for hours upon hours simply to motivate and encourage all of the athletes. They weren't there simply to see the "show" that the pros would put on. They were there for us. The ordinary guys and girls working our asses off to cross that finish line. The people who live along the course had turned their homes into house parties, playing music, shouting, yelling and running along side a lot of the runners. It was truly unbelieveable.

















The IMFL run course consists of two loops and I was lucky to start my first loop in the daylight. Between mile 0-8, I felt really strong. Around mile 9, I started to waver. All I could think about was seeing the smiling faces of my kids at the turnaround that starts the second lap. As I counted down the miles that would take me to the 1/2 way point, I became more and more excited about seeing their faces. I needed a high five from my Booger. A smile and kiss from my Kelsey. A shoutout from Nick and some strong "girls' rock" mojo from my sweet Kyle. But as I headed down the chute toward the turnaround point I saw my husband standing there -- but not one of my kids. I ran by yelling "Where are my kids?" He shouted back that his parents had taken them to the expo. Um, what?? I headed into the run special needs area and tried to focus my mind on getting everything I would need for the run. But I couldn't. I was starting to cry -- and I don't cry. I wanted my kids. I ran out of the special needs area with 1/2 the amount of gel and food that I needed and stopped dead in my tracks to talk to my husband. I was beginning to cry and asking where my kids were, again. I told him how much I needed them and how hard this was and then I ran off with tears in my eyes.

For the next two miles I ran/walked while trying to hold back tears. I couldn't think of my nutrition or my hydration. I didn't think of pace. I simply -- well -- I simply pouted. Ridiculous, isn't it? I was doing a freakin' Ironman and throwing a tantrum!!! What the hell?!? Let's just say I was delirious. I mean, it wasn't my husband's fault. He explained to my inlaws that the only thing I wanted was to see my family every time I came through transition. But, his family overruled him because they thought I'd be tired -- too tired to even realize whether the kids were there or not so they took them to the museum, to dinner and then back to the hotel to chill out. UGH! Even writing that makes me mad all over again! All I asked for was their faces -- for 5 flippin' minutes. But, I also realize that his parents didn't do this on purpose. They have no idea what this ordeal entails and, despite my specific request to have the kids there, they thought they were helping. They never would have taken them back to the hotel if they had any idea of how much it would hurt me -- or how much it would affect my "mental" state during the race.

Anyway, at mile 16 or so, I finally got my head together and faced the fact that I could either finish this race pouting and angry or I could focus my energy into finishing this race strong and realizing that in the long run, this moment of sadness would mean nothing compared to the joy of finishing the Ironman. So, I began to run again. And I continued on, as it got dark, for the next few miles. I saw Karen again and got a hug as she was heading into the last few miles before the finish. She looked amazing! I saw Grandison, looking strong and beautiful as she glided along in the run. I missed Susie Q passing me but I'm sure she was in the "zone" -- uh, Susie, maybe a little too far into the "zone"! :D Lynn and Anna, Deanna L and Deanna B, and then, Carmen. Seeing her on the race course just makes me happy! She gave me the last hug that I got before I headed into the last few miles and it carried me all the way through the finish. Thanks, CH!

I should mention that I had a great running "buddy" from mile 20ish until the finish. I don't know his name but he was some guy who had done 2 Ironman's in the past. IMFL was the first one he'd ever done, as well. It was great having someone to talk to as I tried to take my mind off the last few miles. My legs were killing me. Every muscle in my legs hurt. My ankles, my achilles, my quads. Everything. My feet were so terribly blistered but I didn't want to stop because I knew that starting again would be so much worse. In the back of my mind I was worried about my knee. It was shifting a lot and I just tried to keep my form so that I wouldn't put it in a position that would cause it to go out from under me. But, being tired made keeping "good" form very difficult. As my "buddy" and I ran, he told me how good it would feel to cross that finish line and that is really what helped me through those last miles.

Right before we turned to make that last 1/4 mile stretch to the finish line, he stopped me. He said, "Make sure to go slow. Take it in. It goes too fast. Remember it. It's your first." Then we made the turn and saw the crowd that leads you into the finish. As we started down the finisher's chute, he let me go ahead and live the moment of my first Ironman. I remember this man reaching his hand out from the sidelines and screaming, "You did it! You did it, Cyndi! Yeah! You did it!!" I high fived his hand with a huge smile on my face and was taken aback by the emotional moment I was sharing with this stranger who at that moment seemed so much more like a friend. A few yards up, I heard my son's voice yell. Just a single voice in that huge crown yelling "YEAH!!! YEAH!!!! YOU DID IT!!" and I was able to turn right to him and find him within the crowd of people. His smile and the look of joy on his face will be in my heart forever. God, he looked so proud of me . . Before I could run to him to give him a hug, he took off running to let everyone else know I was coming into the finish.

As I came upon the finish line, a bunch of people were in front of me and one woman was smiling and almost crying with pride. In my head I thought, "Oh, what a nice lady!!" Then I realized it was my sister!!! She was in the finisher's chute and was going to run with me into the finish. We clasped hands as we ran toward the finish line. As she went on and on about how proud she was, I heard those words through the crowd . . . "Cyndi Dambacher, YOUR ARE AN IRONMAN!" And I was across the line and in the arms of my family and friends.

I was so happy when I crossed the line that my family said it was like I was drunk! I hugged the woman who gave me my medal. I hugged the man who gave me my tinfoil blanket. I hugged my in-laws, my nephews, my husband and my children. And then I saw Coach G. and I hugged her with all the appreciation, thanks and love in my heart -- for believing in me, inspiring me and allowing me to see that my dreams were within my reach.

I couldn't believe it. I was an Ironman. Wait, I AM an Ironman. This may not mean much to those who have never heard of this sport. But that's okay with me. It should be a secret. A secret gift that only those who are willing to fight for it can have. It is, indeed, a gift -- and the sacrifice, pain and dedication it took to get here was worth it just to experience every, wonderful, exhilerating moment on this journey.

Next up: Reflection . . . and the tattoo!

Remembering the Ironman, Part 3 of 1,000,000 . . . .

It's all about the bike . . .

First let me tell you that my memories of Ironman are already starting to fade. It's so sad that I cannot sit and relish all the moments of this adventure for just a little bit longer. But, alas, that thing called "life" seems to keep pulling me out of my Ironman-induced euphoria. I am actually a bit depressed -- I'm missing being on the journey toward my Ironman goal, missing my teammates and simply wondering how the time went by so damn fast. Bummer.

Anyway, back to the bike: I'll admit that the bike is where I live. I am the most comfortable there and I enjoy it more than any other discipline. I could cycle a century every weekend and be a happy, happy gal. So, I had one goal on the bike: don't enjoy myself too much so that I wouldn't have anything left for the run. I followed Blake's instructions to ride easy for the first hour to hour and a half so that I'd have the energy to really come through in the end. But, God, it was so hard to have people passing me right out of the chute while I put my faith into believing that they would lose steam as the ride progressed and I would be able to catch up or pass them in the end -- at least, I hoped that's what would happen!

I had one other goal for the bike. Learn to pee on the bike. I know that seems silly (or gross) but it's very common and a skill that actually takes practice! When I left transition I had to pee and I really didn't want to stop at the port-o-lets but despite my best effort, I just couldn't do it. I mean, how the hell do you pedal and pee at the same time??? So, at mile 20 I was forced to stop at the port-o-let -- that had a line of at least 10 people in front of me. Now, prior to the Ironman, the race organizers made sure that we understood that we could not pull to the side of the road and pee in the woods or bushes. If we did, and got caught, we would be arrested on the spot and DQ'd from the race. Well, I certainly wasn't going to have my IM dream go down the tubes just because I needed to pee so I thought I should play by the rules. I waited in line for almost 15 full minutes before I got my turn in the bathroom. I had time to eat, refill my bottles, talk to the volunteers, get a massage, take a nap . . . it seemed to take FOREVER!! I mean, if they're going to have a rule like that, they need to make sure to have more than 1-2 port-o-lets per water stop to accomodate over 2,000 athletes!! Anyway, throughout the race I had to stop 3 times!! Luckily the last two stops at mile 50 and 80ish had shorter lines. Either way, I figure it cost me about 25 minutes in bike time.

Throughout the entire bike I felt really good. I used the time to take in my food and hydrate and really just enjoyed the scenery. The field is pretty crowded out there so you have a lot of time to leapfrog with other bikers and talk a little. The one bad thing that happens with a field this crowded is that a lot of people totally break the drafting rule. I can't tell you how many people I saw purposely drafting off the bikers in front of them!! It was really kind of disappointing. But I figured, if that's the way they want to complete their Ironman, then fine. But, I'm coming through knowing that no one got me there but myself. And, then, I met Randy.

Randy was this red-headed overweight rider who was riding right on my ass. Hmmm. Perhaps he doesn't realize he's drafting. That's okay. I'll just drop him. I picked up my pace, passed a few people and figured I left Randy behind me. Until I looked back again. Randy was still right behind me. Okay, jerk, now I know you're drafting off me -- and it was purposeful. So now my goal was to drop cheater Randy. At one point we were going down a little hill and Randy's weight put him in front of me (which is when learned his name since Ironman puts your name on your bib -- until then, he was just red headed cheater guy). When we got to another little hill, I passed Randy again and he immediately jumped on my tail. I tried unsuccessfully to drop him one more time and then I was forced to use the best skill ever taught to any cyclist: the snot rocket. I quickly looked back, put myself in position and snotted right at my new pal Randy. Randy dropped back and I didn't see him again. :)


















When you pull into transition from the bike, they lead your through Ironman village. The chute toward transition is lined with spectators. When you go through, you feel the energy of the crowd. You see their faces, you hear people calling your name and you have no choice but to smile and take in the amazing experience. As I came through, it was like a roar. My family was jumping up and down, yelling and screaming my name. I could see the love and excitement in their eyes and I was blown away by how proud they were of me. Little me. Just an ordinary girl going after an extraordinary dream. Dear God, I love them.

When I entered transition, a volunteer ran up to me to take my bike and rack it for me. Nice! I took off my bike shoes and ran through transition to the tent that I hoped contained my Bike to Run bag. As I stepped into the changing tent, Kate O came running up to me with my bags. (By the way, I forgot to mention that Kate wrote "YES YOU CAN" in bright red marker on my left forearm before the race. I can't tell you how many times I looked at that message on my arm. Thank you, Kate -- you were amazing!) Anyway, Kate performed this magic act of getting me undressed and re-dressed into my running gear in a matter of seconds. I'm not even kidding. I put my arms in the air, there was a flurry of clothes and voila! I was in running clothes. It was awesome. Kate was able to give me an update on who she had seen and we had a quick minute to take a picture. After that, I was ready to go to face my biggest fear and what I anticipated to be my largest obstacle. The run . . .

Remembering the Ironman . . . Part 2 of 1,000,000

Okay, let's fast forward to packet pick-up. Coach G, TriGirls AnnaMac, Carmen and I went to pick up our packets together. First, let me say, that Ironman Village is incredible. There's just a lot of excitement and energy there. Now, Ironman packet pick up is not like your everyday triathlon packet pick-up. After you stand in line a volunteer gives you some forms to fill out and then you get weighed (ugh!). Then they invite you to sit with your very own volunteer. She warmly explained everything in my packet to me, made sure everything in my packet was in order, put a pretty little Ironman wristband on me and wished me luck on my special day.

Once back at the hotel I went through my packet and pulled out what seemed like a million bags I had to put my stuff in: Warm Clothes Bag, Special Needs Bike bag, Special Needs Run bag, Swim to Bike bag, Bike to Run Bag. Ahhh! I was feeling overwhelmed. I knew I would have bags but it didn't really hit me that it meant that I had to plan my entire race in advance. See, at an Ironman you have NO transition area by your bike. Everything you need must be packed in one of these bags -- fuel, hydration, bike shorts, helmet, shoes, bodyglide -- everything. This means if you need bodyglide before the swim and before the run, you better have two because one needs to go in each bag. The list I made at home about what I wanted in each bag REALLY came in handy at this time (that and my trusty husband sitting by my side helping me pack!) I just went through my checklist and started throwing things in bags. Then I tied them up, took them to transition and wished them luck. Note to self: tie bags in a way that is easy to untie when you're tired.

The night before the Ironman I had my staple dinner of pasta with salmon and set the three alarm clocks that I had with me. Now, I knew that I wouldn't need three alarm clocks but I read something that said you will sleep better just knowing that they're all there. And, it worked! I slept like a baby all night!


Derek and I headed off to the race with plans that my family would meet up with us so they could see the start of the swim. I have to admit I was pretty nervous -- excited, too -- but mainly feeling like I was going to puke.

As I entered transition, it was like a dream. The crowds of people, the music, the energy . . . it was amazing. I took a moment to just stand there and take it all in. I was here. I was going to do a flippin' Ironman. Me. As my mother told me the night before the race, "I can't believe my chubby girl is doing this . . " And, although I thought that was a screwed up way of saying she was proud of me, the truth is, I couldn't believe it either. Standing here at this great event was the girl who wouldn't even try out for drill team because she was too big. The girl who told her gym teacher that she had "female issues" every day that we were supposed to run around the track. The girl who always thought she was clumsy and un-athletic. The girl who always thought she'd be cheering on the sidelines instead of playing in the game. Again, it was simply amazing.


By the time we got to the swim start area all the TriGirls had managed to find eachother. We all looked anxious but ready to start the race. I has frantically looking for my kids who I knew had arrived but were having trouble finding me in the thousands of people. The clock was starting to tick down and soon I was going to have to enter the swim corral. I really needed a hug from my Booger and I was starting to get worried. Suddenly, out of the crowd, I heard "Mommy!!!" and there they all were -- wearing shirts that said "Proud Son/Daughter of an Ironman". Awwww, I love my family so much!! Now I was ready to start the race . . .

We entered the swim corral and I noticed that there was about 2 minutes until the starting gun went off. Holy flippin' crap!!! Okay, so my swim plan was this: swim. Period. Not on the inside, not on the ouside, not in the front or in the back. Just get in the water, find a spot and swim. Suddenly, the gun went off and all 2000+ swimmers starting running for the water. I walked into the water, took a moment to look at all the swimmers in front of me and really let it soak in. Here we go, I thought. And with that, I dove in and swam my little heart out.

The swim was everything you have heard. It's crowded, a washing machine of people. You get pulled, hit, kicked and shoved. But, with all that, it's really not that bad. I expected all these things to happen so I didn't stress when they did. I simply raised my head, adjusted my line, and kept swimming. Okay, around some guys, I'll admit, I did swim while throwing elbows -- but, I swear, they deserved it!

As I exited the water on the first lap, I saw my little Booger sitting on top of her Daddy's shoulders yelling her little heart out. I'm sure she was saying something like "Go, Mommy, Go!" although, with her sense of humor, she could very well have been yelling "Shark!!" Anyway, after the first loop in the water, I really felt I was in a rhythm. Not too slow and not too fast. I did get stuck in traffic around the first turn buoy which caused about 200 of us to tread water while trying to push our way around the buoy (by the way, it's hard to make forward progress when you're forced to remain vertical!) But, now the field was starting to open up and I felt the second lap would be even better than the first. And, it was. The time really seemed to fly by and when I exited the water for the second time, I felt great!

I jogged up the hill and while stripping down the top portion of my wetsuit. Then I took full advantage of the wetsuit strippers. You sit on the ground, lift your butt up and whoosh! off comes your wetsuit! It was very cool! Then we all made our way through the shower area to rinse off the saltwater. One bitch in the back kept shouting "keep it moving, keep it moving" as she pushed and shoved her way through everyone. Really, lady, you're not in front and you're not a pro so chill the f^%$ out!

When I got into the transition tent I was so happy to see Shelly! She was almost fully changed and ready to start on the bike leg. I stripped down in front of all my hundreds of new best friends and a volunteer quickly helped me change into my bike gear. On my way out, I saw TG Deanna B. and we gave eachother a quick hug (which, by the way, makes all the difference in a race. It's so great to see a friend and get a quick high-five or hug. It keeps you going with a smile on your face!) I also saw Grandison pumping away in the corner. What a rock star!! By the way, my mom told me that they mentioned on the internet broadcast that there was some amazing athlete who they heard was pumping in the transition tent. They had to be talking about our G!!


As I exited the tent, the volunteers shouted out my name and someone else quickly brought me my bike. One down, two to go. From my left I heard screaming and shouting and I looked to see my crew of 14 going nuts cheering for me. Good God, how lucky am I? And, what a great way to start the bike. I quickly raised my hand and did our family thing of saying "I love you" in sign language and I was off . . .

Next up: the bike.

Remembering the Ironman . . . Part 1 of 1,000,000

At first I didn't think I could blog about this race because SO much has happened. But then I remembered that I'm using this blog as my IM journal and I want to remember every detail about my fantastic adventure to becoming an official IRONMAN. So, if you'll bear with me, I'm going to start at the beginning . . .

At 6 a.m. on Halloween morning, Derek (aka Big Dog), Nick and Kyle dropped Kelsey, Rylee and me off at the airport. The plan was to have me fly down with the little ones and Derek and the older two would drive straight through and meet us there in the evening. That meant that my guy and the older kids would be in the car for at least 12 hours -- and, you know what? They never complained about it -- at least not to me! :)

Kelsey and Rylee are excellent airline travelers so the trip down to Panama City was pretty uneventful. Derek had arranged for a car to pick us up and take us to the hotel so that, too, was completely non-stressful. The only minor delay we had was when we were taking a little turbo-prop from Atlanta into Panama City. The plane was almost entirely atheletes competing in the IM and the plane was having a difficult time loading all of the bikes into the cargo hold. Everyone on the plane was talking about the IM and it seemed that they had all done at least one Ironman before. I felt very much like the new kid in class and was sure that they all thought I was just some girly-girl going down to Panama City with my kids for vacation. Clearly, I didn't look like these uber-athletic Ironman competitors!! I tried to push my doubts from my mind and settle into taking care of the girls on the plane.

Derek's sister, Kim, and my niece, Jade, were already at the hotel when I arrived and my in-laws were expected to get there around 5pm. They had reserved 2 beautiful, 2 bedroom condos for us and we had an amazing view of the beach. I was hoping that Derek would be there in time to go trick-or-treating with us and with Coach G & M and their kids. My little Booger was going to be a vampire (I finally talked her out of being "Jason" - don't ask) and Kelsey was going as some sort of zombie cheerleader (she actually thought she was too old to trick or treat but I finally talked her into being my nine year old little girl for one more year! Who stops trick-or-treating at nine???) Luckily Derek made it in time so we met up with Grandison and Mark at this townhome complex.

Let me first stay that Coach G's son, Matthew, and my Booger, became the best of buddies when they first met a few weeks ago. They have both been very excited about being able to spend Halloween together -- until poor Matthew saw his now spooky little friend! Rylee's face was white with blacked out eyes, she was wearing her vampire teeth the entire time and had the fake blood she insisted on dripping down her mouth. Needless to say, he stayed 3 feet away from her the entire time and said "that doesn't look like Rylee . . ." Yeah, my Rylee is a maverick.

The next day, Coach G, Coach S and I planned on meeting up for a swim. My first ocean swim in well over 10 years. Actually, I don't think I've ever truly swam in the ocean. But in recent years, my fear of sharks has kept me from even going past my ankles. I won't let my kids go past their ankles either!! I have no idea why I'm so fearful of sharks. It's not like anything traumatic has happened to me. But, it's gotten so bad that the last time I tried going to the beach with the kids, I had a complete panic attack. They were wading ankle deep in the water and I freaked out and made everyone pack up and go home. I know. Wacky. Anyway, to say that I was scared about going swimming in Panama City was a complete and total understatement.

When I first saw Grandison on the beach I told her that I was completely scared and freaked out. She told me that she was going to tell me the same thing she told her 5 year old son. Apparently, Matthew had a terrible dream that involved sharks attacking his Mommy and was completely freaked out about Grandison swimming in the ocean. She told him "Sharks swim in the ocean and we're swimming in the gulf" Okay, I can be five and believe that, right? Right?!? Um, no, I can't but I was going to try. Right before we started our swim, Grandison said, "okay, now really, let's swim together -- because of the sharks" Som just nodded his approval and off we went -- as I was silently FREAKING OUT!!!! Every time I would take a breath to the right I would see this large expanse of ocean in front of me and I'd start to panic. Then I started thinking that perhaps Grandison's son was having a premonition and not a dream and now I was swimming next to a piece of shark bait! Then I started thinking about the scene from Jaws and kept thinking something was just about to bite my toes. Then I started to imagine what a shark would look like slithering through the water. Then I told myself to calm the f&$% down!!!! I focused on my stroke and my breathing and told myself to have faith. Have faith that I was supposed to be here and that everything would be fine. And, suddenly, I really did calm down. Not entirely, but enough to get through the swim. I think I'm almost as proud of myself for that swim as I am for the entire Ironman. I know my kids are -- on the way home my little one told me that she knew I was scared but she thought I was very, very brave. I smiled and my heart melted.


Okay, that's all for now. Tomorrow maybe I'll even put out some details on the race!!

Off to Panama City . . .

"It is a comforting moment when we suddenly realize that our commitment to race, to participate in something so important to us - our dream - will be actualized. We have made it to the starting line. In this moment, the probability that we will do the event reaches 100 percent. The hundreds of things that can go wrong leading up to an Ironman have been cleverly averted, and the thousands of things required to get to the start are all now officially history."

We are ready, ladies.
Let's go do an Ironman!

Much love to all . . . and I'll see you when I hobble back home!

Random running thoughts . . .

I don't like seeing people drive around stuffing fast food into their mouths. You know the ones with the mayo dripping down their chin and they're still chewing that big bite of burger as they're loading a handful of fries into their mouth? I know. I shouldn't be bothered by this. To each his own. But, for some reason, it irks me. Anyway, Big Dog and I decided on our run today that we want a healthy alternative so we came up with the Ironman Happy Meal: I'll take a Kenyan with a side of Michael Phelps. And, sure, go ahead and supersize that to include the Lance Armstrong for an extra 50 cents. Oh, and of course it comes with a toy: every meal comes with one of Carmen's clear wetsuits.

Yes, this is the crap that Derek and I come up with while we're running. Clearly the closer I get to the Ironman, the wackier I become.

I am nervous. Anxious. Excited. Scared.

I know I have trained but my head is filled with so much self-doubt. So, I've been spending much of time avoiding any thought of Ironman. I have not put together my packing list. I haven't checked out all of the course information. No non-TriGirl blog reading. Nothing. I'm tapering, focusing on other family stuff, and just waiting for my turn on the IM roller coaster. I have allowed myself until Saturday to simply chill out and get in the required training. Then I will officially move into freak out mode. In the meantime, the one thing I have let myself do is to try to do some mental training for the long-ass day of IM. So, here are some of the good tips I've gathered:

Commit to the Battle Before it Begins!

You must make the decision to invest yourself emotionally 100% to your preparation. If you only give 80%, then 20% of you is saying it's okay to not be prepared. Make an individual commitment to be strong mentally!

Self-Talk:

You influence the way you feel by the way you think.
Negative self-talk leads to negative emotions, anxiety and wasted energy;
Practice positive, confidence building self-talk in training! "I feel good! I feel strong! I love how it feels to run hard!" (hahahaha! I'm laughing even as I'm writing that!)

Never use CAN'T!

Think energetically even when you're hurting!!

Try not to complain about meaningless stuff that is not under your control. It will drain you.

Distance Concentration:

Long distance races produce physical fatigue, but even more mental fatigue because of the concentration required.

Concentration will resemble a funnel. Broad early in race, narrow late in the race. Early in the race remind yourself to relax. Conserve energy!

Work to focus in the PRESENT!! Can't be worrying about how you "might" feel in 5 kilometers based on how you feel now. You "might" feel better or you "might" feel worse.

Learn to recognize when you're losing focus. Negative self-talk is the surest sign! Work to re-focus!

Use Positive Mental Imagery:

"Winners see what they want to happen in their imagery. Losers see what they are afraid "might" happen in their imagery." (Sorry to include a quote with the word 'loser' -- it's such an awful word!! Big Dog and I have this long-standing joke where I do crappy in a race or something and I say "I'm a loser" and he always jokingly responds, "No, baby, you're not a loser. You tried and failed. You're a failure." Yeah, we've got a messed up sense of humor!! Okay, now I'm totally off-topic. Back to this mental training thing -- dammit, look how quickly I already screwed up that whole "concentration" and "focus" thing. I'm such a loser! Argh! Now I'm screwing up that "self-talk" section! Man, I suck at this. ;-)

Develop feeling in your imagery. Try to feel yourself running smooth, fast and effortless.

Negative images will create negative emotions. Visualize yourself overcoming difficult points in a race, especially late in the race.

TRUST

Trust in your preparation!

When you trust your training you are free to let the race happen instead of forcing it to happen.

Trust=Confidence!!

Tell Yourself Each DAY . . .

I will not surrender.
I will not turn against myself when things get tough.
I will be excited about this race.



Hopefully, soon, I will be able to put together some type of inspirational and thoughtful blog that is worth reading. Until then . . . well, I'm just going to continue to ignore the fact that I'm going to get a major ass-whooping in 10 short days. YUMMY!

18 Miles is a LOOOOOONG Way to Run . . .

The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy...It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed."
- Jacqueline Gareau, 1980 Boston Marathon champ



Yesterday I hit my running PR of 18 miles. Dear God, that's a long way. I've never run a marathon before (I'm saving that yummy joy for the end of the Ironman) and although 18 miles is only 3 miles longer than I ran a few weeks ago or a mere 5 miles longer than the run in a 1/2 IM, it seemed like it took DAYS to complete!!

The heat may have had a little something to do with the sheer crappiness of it. I didn't want to get to WC for the ride/run until 9 a.m. because I wanted one day that Booger could wake up and jump in my bed and snuggle for a bit. So, I actually ended up soaking up my time with her for a little too long and we didn't get started on our 30 mile ride until close to 10:00 a.m. -- which also meant that we were taking off for our run at noon. In 90+ degree heat and wicked humiditiy. But at least there was cloud cover. Until about 1:30. At the hottest part of the day, the skies cleared up and we were blessed with full blazing sunshine for the rest of our run. UGH.

It took everything I had not to call it quits. There was one point that I told Big Dog, "You know, when people refer to cars, they say, 'is your car running' or 'I've left my car running'. So, according to this logic, it seems that we should be able to go 18 miles in the car and still consider it 'running'. Yes? No, I didn't think so either. Dammit."

Anyway, it's over. Thank God. Next week's long workout: 100 miles on the bike. Woohoo! Two weeks from now: 30 mile ride/20 mile trail run. Dear God, what did I get myself into?

Heart of Virginia . . .

Yesterday I did my first official century ride. But, this post really isn't too much about me because I was much more impressed with my riding partner. See, I had been mulling over doing this century ride because I had never officially done one before. And, even more than that, if I was going to ride with the TriGirls that day, I would have had to wake at 4:45 to make it to our rendevous spot which is 45-50 minutes from my house. If I rode the Heart of Virginia Century, I could sleep until 6:45. The only problem was I didn't want to ride alone. So, on Friday evening I almost jokingly asked my awesome husband, Derek aka Big Dog, if he wanted to ride the metric century the next day. I figured this way I would have compnay for at least part of the ride. Derek's only been on the bike once in the last month and the most he's ever ridden has been 72 miles -- given the fact I was only giving him one day's notice, I thought the metric would prove to be the perfect challenge. The Big Dog thought differently. He said, "Hell no I'm not doing the metric. If I'm going out there, I'm riding the whole thing." Well, I questioned whether that would prove to be the best idea, but I believe in him so I said "awesome!".

We planned to stay together the entire ride. I'm a little faster than him, but we really wanted to share the whole experience together and this was supposed to be ridden at an "easy pace" for me. The morning of the race was pretty cool and the skies looked a little dark, but there were no storms overhead so we loaded the car and headed out. About a mile from the house, Derek said he forgot his jacket. But, he didn't think it would be a problem so he opted not to turn back for it. As soon as we got to the race site, the skies opened up and the rain began to fall. Derek was bummed that he hadn't turned back for his jacket.

The race was a "show and go" meaning you could show up within a certain window of time and just take off when you were ready. We were supposed to "show and go" between 7-8 a.m. But, I wasn't too worried about making it through the 100 miles before the 5pm cut off so we started our ride closer to 8:45. About 6 miles into the ride, Derek got a flat tire. I said, "No worries. That's actually kind of good. Let me change it so I can get the experience!" So, I got a hand's on tire changing lesson. While we were there, the SAG vehicle pulled in and they pumped Derek's tire and gave him a spare tube just in case he got another flat on the course. After 25-30 minutes we were back on the road. For all of 1 minute before Derek realized his front tire was also flat. Seriously??? This time Derek took charge of the changing and changed out the tire in about 15 minutes. The SAG vehicle never had time to pull away so again, they pumped Derek's front tire and offered him another tube -- just in case. The SAG crew was great but before the guy left he said, "you know, at this point you probably won't be able to get the full 100 in today." WHAT?!? Okay, I understand that we were the last century riders to take off on the ride and that it was now close to 10:00 a.m. and we had only gone 6 miles, but there was no way we were not doing 100 miles!

Derek and I took off and despite the pressure I felt from the SAG guy to pick up the pace, I tried to hold back so that we could ride together the entire day. Everything was going really well until mile 15 when Derek called out that he had another flat. You've got to flippin' kidding me???? At this point, I started to doubt that Derek's bike was going to carry him through this ride. It seemed that entirely new tires were in order and that was something that we just didn't have. Internally, we were both cursing up a storm, but outwardly we were trying to stay calm so that we didn't worry or take away from the other's experience. Derek thoroughly checked his tire and found a large metal splinter that had punchtured the tire. We patched the holes with some black electrical tape and put his last tube into action. We agreed that if he got one more flat, he would pull out and would drive to every rest stop to check on me and cheer me on. Off we went again.

We blew past the first two rest stops since we figured we had gotten enough rest spending at least an hour changing tires! Everything was going really well despite the fact we had to fight a CRAZY amount of wind!! I couldn't even get in aero position because the cross wind gusts would come on so strong it was difficult to maintain conrol of my bike. And the headwinds!! Dear God, why is it that you always get a headwind on a kickass hill??

We were about 55 miles into the ride and everything seemed to be looking up. Derek's bike was holding up, we were in a section where the wind had died down and there was only 6 miles until we hit the lunch rest stop. But, as we passed over some railroad tracks I lost one of my water bottles. Derek was behind me so he called out that he'd pick it up. As he stopped his bike and unclipped, wouldn't you know, he broke two screws off the cleat in his shoe!!! Now his cleat was just spinning on the bottom of his shoe. Are you flippin' serious???? How much more bad luck could this poor guy get? Totally not fair! The constant obstacles were almost laughable -- except it really wasn't very funn. I tried to pick up Derek's spirits by telling him that he was providing me with the best training for IMFL that I could ever have! The lesson must be that no matter what happens on your bike or with your gear, determination is what will see you through to the end. Derek managed to make it to the next rest point and took one screw out of his right cleat and put it into his left cleat so that he would at least have two screws in each. This at least enabled him to lock down into his pedals.

We took off on the last leg and I said a small prayer. Well, not really a prayer. I thought "Bring it on MF'rs. Do what you've gotta do, but we're finishing this ride even if he has to run his bike in Flintstone style with bare feet and two flat tires." Yeah, I guess that really doesn't qualify as a prayer.

Either way, my mojo must have scared the riding Gremlins because the rest of the ride went off without a hitch. There was one sketchy dog moment -- actually the dog wasn't really scary but a rider had been bitten pretty badly earlier in the day by a loose dog and I was a little freaked out by it. When I saw another dog on the course, I asked Derek to ride ahead and shoo it away. He rode by it and said "Go away, Cujo." Calling the dog Cujo didn't really help ease my nerves.

In the last 10 to 15 miles of the ride, Derek was getting pretty tired -- as he should have been. He said he felt he only had a little more left in him -- but he kept on going. I was absolutely blown away by him. I mean, I've been training for almost a year to ride this distance. By now, I SHOULD be able to ride 100 miles. Derek was doing it out of pure will and determination. I was in complete awe of his perserverence. I don't think I could have done it if I were him. Actually, I don't think I would have even tried. I would have thought, "I could never do that" without even giving it a shot. When we rode into the parking lot -- having finished the entire 100 miles (take that SAG guy!) I was so proud of Derek I almost cried!! Yeah, I'm glad I got my PR and a century under my belt, but even more so, I'm glad I got to do this with my guy. If you didn't know already, he's pretty damn awesome.

Congrats Big Dog! I love you . . .

Patriot Race Report

Well, the "training" Half IM is done and to be quite honest, I'm pretty pleased. Going into this race was very different for me than Eagleman. Prior to Eagleman, I had a countdown going, I was nervous and I obsessed about my plan for each discipline. When it came to race day, I was a nervous wreck, my race plan went out the window, I did everything I shouldn't have done and my extreme GI issues during the run reflected my lack of dedication to my plan.

For Patriot, I was totally calm going into it. I mean, so calm that I kept thinking "what's my training this weekend?" and then I'd remember, "oh yeah, I'm doing that 1/2". I think it had something to do with how busy I've been. I've just been more focused on getting into the swing of things with all 4 kids starting school -- Booger just beginning Kindergarten and my oldest -- we'll call him Mr. Awesome (because that's what he thinks he is!) -- starting his Senior year in High School. In addition to that, coaching our competition cheer squad has started up again and taken up a good deal of my free time and, oh, there's that pesky part-time job that rears its ugly head now and again, too. So, anyway, I've been surviving day-to-day and simply looking at what workout was on the calendar that day and never looking ahead. So, going into Patriot, I was totally relaxed, calm and looking at it as simply another training day.

Another thing about Patriot was that I wasn't "racing". My goal for this race was to finish it feeling like I could do it again. I wanted to pace myself, follow my plan and finish feeling strong. And, suprisingly, I did it! It was difficult at times. For example, during the bike, I usually pedal hard and try to catch whoever is in front of me. My goal is to pass as many people as possible without ever being passed myself. During the run it's a completely different story. I typically go out strong and allow myself no more than 15 seconds at every water stop -- if it's a 10k or shorter, no stops are allowed at all (I adopted this stupid plan because running is my weakest discipline and I'm always getting passed by what seems like thousands of people -- I figured I couldn't afford to lose any time stopping at the water stops). Well, this plan usually means that my legs are very tired when I get off my bike and I usually completely die and need to begin doing A LOT of walking somewhere around mile 8 of the run. I was determined not to let that happen at Patriot. I would let people pass me on the bike and I would run the entire run while allowing myself to fully walk and reassess myself through every water stop.

As far as details,

THE SWIM:

We found out race morning that the race was wetsuit legal. Yay! I got to use my "floatie"! I wasn't particularly worried about the swim. My plan for the swim was simply to imagine that I was swimming in water that could potentially have sharks in it. I know -- kind of dumb since I knew there weren't really sharks but I'm trying to mentally prepare for IMFL! :D Anyway, I was just going to swim from buoy to buoy as comfortably as possible. All was going well until the last turn into the finish. As soon as I turned back toward the shore, I couldn't find the buoys because the sun was shining directly into my eyes. Oh, well, since I was in the last wave, I figured I'd just follow the small cluster of swimmers ahead of me. BIG mistake. A short while later, I stopped and wanted to really get my bearings and locate a buoy to site off of. I took a minute to breaststroke and look around. I spotted the orange buoys about 100 meters to my right. Dammit. I was totally off course. But as I looked around, I realized most everyone else was too! I spotted lots of people cutting a diagnoal path back toward where the swim finish was. I figure it took me about 200 meters off course. I finished in 39:15 so this wasn't bad for a 1.4ish mile swim. After the race, Derek told me almost everyone was off course. The spectators thought it was because of the current until some Elites came out of the water cursing and complaining about how crappy the markers were. I didn't think it was the markings but rather the sunlight but, whatever, I'm not "Elite" so I really didn't care either way.

T1:

Uh, sucky. You have to run about 1/2 a mile before you even get into transition. Over pokey rocks that they tried to mask with 1/8 in think carpeting. Ouch.

BIKE:

The bike was good except for the course. I really didn't enjoy the road conditions on the course. I lost one water bottle before I even made it out of the Jamestown parking lot!! But I anticipated I would lose a bottle (or two!) because of the bumpy course, so I packed 3 bottles and filled my Profile. Good thing because I came back with 1 completely empty water bottle and and empty Profile, too! But, I managed to hold back and pace myself really well on the bike. I wanted to maintain a 19-20 mph pace and I came pretty close. I finished the 58 mile course in 3:01 -- which, if I'm calculating right is about 19.23 mph. The only problem was that I didn't eat as much as I should have on the bike. This usually isn't a problem for me, but for some reason I just couldn't choke down my bagel and fig newtons. I was a little concerned for the run, but I had taken 4 gels during the bike and drank a full bottle of Sustained Energy so I was hoping I could hang on.

T2:

T2 is typically my "vacation" transition. I have no idea why, but I just seem to take FOREVER!! And this time was no exception. I took 3+ minutes and ranked 11th out of 13 finishers in my T2 time. What the hell do I do that takes so long??? I don't know. Maybe it's the massage, nap and mani & pedi that I get while I'm in there. ;D

RUN:

The run was damn HOT! I would guess it was in the low 90's but being on the asphalt with the cars seemed like the radiated heat temp was closer to 100. And for all but 2 miles there was virtually no shade whatsoever. But, despite all of this, my legs felt good -- really, really, good. So good that wanted to pick up the pace quite a bit. But, I reminded myself of my goal: finish this race like you could do it again. This was my one opportunity to really "practice" for IMFL so I took advantage of it. My goal was to run a 6mph pace and then walk through every water stop while I assessed how my body was feeling. The water stops were my time to give myself a "tune up" to prepare for the next mile. This worked really well for me. I managed to keep my pace while running and I spent about a minute walking through each water stop. While I was there I would drink water, drink some of my concentrated Sustained Energy, pack my sports bra full of ice, douse my head with cold water and take an Endurolyte if I felt I needed it. My final run time of 2:23 reflected a perfect balance of 6mph pacing and 45sec-1 min. water stops. I was happy that I felt strong enough to run the entire time between each water stop and when I came into the finish, I honestly felt like I could keep going.

Final race time was 6:14 which was 5th in my age group and only 21 seconds off of of 4th -- but a whole 45 minutes off of Speedy TG Liz's time of 5:32!! Damn, that girl can kick some ass!!! But, I felt GREAT when I was done!! And, I really am starting to believe I might be able to pull off this whole IMFL thing!

Highlights of the race:

**All the TriGirls. I just love being a TriGirl and racing with everyone. We are THE BEST team out there at every, single race!

**GRANDISON being out on the course again! God, it was nice to have her back out there giving encouragement!!!

**Carmen -- she just inspires me in so many ways!

**Liz taking first in our age group. So proud of her! I swear I'm calling sponsors to pick her up. She's amazing!!

********And, Derek, of course, being there as my number one supporter!! I cannot stress enough how much he does for me. There's no way I could do this without him! Love that guy so much!
!!!
All in all, a great race!! Up next, IMFL - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

There's no place like home . . .

Sometimes, I have to admit, this adventure seems like I'm caught in this whirlwind. I'm just twisting and turning, going along for the ride with my eyes squeezed tightly shut. Before I even have time to process each step I'm taking toward IMFL, I'm taking another giant leap. So why do I still feel like I'm going to come up short???

For example, last weekend my 30 mile ride/15 mile run was the longest I've gone thus far. The almost 90 miles in 110 degree weather while getting "special" 1-on-1 attention from Coach B the week before was the farthest (and hardest!) ride I've ever done. And now, here I am, staring another 1/2 Ironman in the face and I'm thinking "Whatever. It's just another training day." WHAT?!?! That is proof that I've gone mental. IT. IS. A. HALF. FLIPPIN' IRONMAN!! But that's my point. I'm just here for the ride. I go when they say go and I stop when they say stop. It feels almost overwhelming sometimes.

Don't get me wrong. I love this adventure. But, some days, when I'm thinking "am I really doing enough", "will I be ready?", or the worst "what if I can't finish", I think of my former life with lazy Saturdays, no Ironman worries or self doubt and I find myself clicking my heels and saying "there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home . . ."

But, here I am. Still on this ride. And while I love so many parts of it, I feel the need to finally make it down that IM finisher's chute so that I can take a moment -- a minute to breathe and simply think and not "do".

Luckily, one thing this IM training has taught me, is that there are times that you will be in pain, that you will feel like sitting down and giving up, but those times will pass and you will get your second wind. All you need to do is hang in there and believe in yourself.

Let's hope that happens before Saturday's Half-IM.

Interesting Race in Loo-Ray . . .

Our departure for the Luray Int'l Tri on Friday was pretty dreary. I was EXHAUSTED from getting a total of about 3 hours sleep on Thursday night -- which is when we had one of the worst thunderstorm in history and Booger was throwing up all night. Luckily by Friday morning, she seemed to have kicked whatever it was that was ailing her so we were off by Friday afternoon.

We rented this cute little cabin in Luray that was about 5 minutes from the race site. I was really looking forward to spending some quiet time with the kids and the cabin was the perfect place for that. Unfortunately, though, it only had a small a/c wall unit and the bedroom we were sleeping in didn't receive much of the air that it eeked out. So. the night before the tri I, again, got about 4 hours of sleep. By the time I woke up Saturday morning, to be honest, I didn't give a crap about the triathlon. I simply wanted to get it over with so I could go back home and get some sleep!!!

I sludged out of bed and into my tri-suit and sat there trying to get a coffee high while Derek loaded my bike. By the time we got to the race site, I was still feeling like I was sleep-walking. To make matters worse, it was also the first day of my "Cybil week" (you know the one? we all have it once a month? Yeah, TMI, sorry.) Anyway, at that point I resigned myself to treating the day like a regular training day. I was going to clock the miles, but not "race" so to speak. I was just so damn tired!!

During the swim, I managed to shake off a little of my uber-negative mojo but I was still not in the race groove. When I got out, I didn't even need to look at my watch to tell my swim time wasn't very good. And, when I looked at Derek he confirmed it. Without me having to say a word, he simply shouted out "Don't worry! It wasn't your best time. You'll get 'em on the bike!" As it turned out my swim time was 33:07 -- which is not horrible but was pretty disappointing considering I swam a 1500 in 26:13 at the Charlottesville Tri 3 weeks ago.

In transition I added to my usual clumsy attempts at getting myself together by messing with my helmet. For some reason it was completely cinching my head!! I kept trying to jam it onto my head and it just didn't fit right. I pulled my hair down to make sure it wasn't stuck inside the helmet. I tried to loosen the grip thing in the back. I checked to make sure I wasn't putting it on backwards (thank GOD that wasn't the problem!!) In the end I couldn't figure it out so after almost 3 minutes I just jammed my big ol' head into it and took off. I have a bruise on my forehead now.

The bike was nice and had some quick downhills. We were on what I call a "lollipop course". You go up the stem, make a loop and then ride back down the stem. The only difference here is that you make two loops around the top of the lollipop. I was so NOT in race mode that somewhere around mile 8-10 I pulled over to see if a rider who had a flat needed help. He yelled at me. What is it with guys yelling at girls who ask if they need help?? Anyway, I'm glad he yelled at me 'cause it pissed me off. And being pissed woke me up and got my adreneline going. And that's is apparently what I need to find my race mojo. From that point on, I was in race mode (don't worry -- I know that there's no real noticible difference in my kicking into "race mode" -- but it does mean that I stopped thinking I was going to spend the whole ride chatting with the cows and enjoying the scenery!!)

By the end of the race, I was pretty happy with the overall results. My swim wasn't great, my bike time was hurt by my lack of dedication during the first 8 miles or so but my run time was the best it's ever been in an Olympic tri. And the run is where I hurt the most so that in itself was a happy little accomplishment for me!! Overall, I placed 6th in my age group and got my ass thoroughly kicked by the first 2 in my age group!! They finished 30 minutes ahead of me and one had a crazy 10k time of 43 or something like that!! They were some kick-ass athletes and I didn't mind one bit that they stomped on me!!

I really loved watching some of the other TriGirls race. That was the one thing that I liked about the double loop. I managed to see everyone on the run and/or bike and it was fun to check in with eachother. Megan came through like a rock star and Zona was amazing on her bike -- especially since she was riding a mtn. bike!!

At the end of the race, I lazed under a tree with Derek and the girls and then went back to the cabin to take a really WONDERFUL nap!! Next up . . . Patriot's 1/2. Gulp.

Virginia is now my home . . .

After six+ years of living in Virginia, I have now come to fully accept -- and appreciate -- Virginia as my home. I am orginally from Southern California and have always thought I'd always miss being a So. Cal girl. But, after my recent trip to California, I have to admit, I really missed "home". I missed the ability to hydrate on the humidity during runs. And the squishy softness of the air. I know that sounds crazy, but the dry Cali air actually bugged me. When I got off the plane in Virginia, I actually felt like Virginia was giving me a big ol' humidity hug. Go figure!

"Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough." ~Arthur Freed

So, this post will have nothing to do with training. I really must tell you about an amazing and uplifting little event that happened on our trip. Well, actually it was on the trip home. The area where my in-laws live is on the eastern side of northern California. There are no airports within 2 hours of their house so getting there is always a VERY long travel day. When we left, we had to drive 2 hours to get to the train station and then take an hour and a half ride on the San Franciso metro train to get to the San Francisco Airport.

We were travelling with the 2 younger ones, 2 large suitcases, 2 small suitcases, a car seat and a computer bag. The computer bag was acting as my "purse" and contained 2 laptops, both cell phones and our check book. So, after our long ride, we pull into the San Francisco station, get off the train and make our way up to the airport check-in area. The train continues on to its next destination --- with our computer bag which we happened to forget. Dammit.

We have to check in and board our plane so we are completely unable to try to track down the bag. Derek locates a security guy who states he will ride his bike down to the next train stop to see if he can find it (nice guy!!!) but he also said that many "shady" people take the train system so we should not hold out hope in recovering our belongings.

So, we were bummed -- really, really bummed. And then, the zipper on one of our suitcases busts a big six inch hole. When I asked the Delta agent if they had tape, her response was "I've got to get your luggage down there. Wish it luck." I was a wee bit emotion but I didn't cry. Derek and I refocus ourselves by reminding eachother to count our blessings instead of focusing on any materialistic losses or grumpy airline agents. We get on the plane and land in Atlanta ahead of time. Yay! Things are looking up. Well, almost. We proceed to sit on the runway for over an hour because they cannot navigate the ten planes on the ground to open gates. Things are looking a little bleak again. Running through the airport with kids is NOT fun. But, no worries. The flight attendants make an announcement that there are many planes having the same difficulty and that we will not miss our connections since all other flights are aware of the problem and will hold the gates open. Whew!

As trusting as I try to be, we still high-tail it off the plane and literally run the entire way to our next plane. Cute little Booger kicked butt scurrying through the airport!! We almost get to our gate when a Delta agent calls out and says that all flights have left. Uh, what? She repeats that all planes have departed. Um, no, it's 10:30 p.m., we've been travelling for 12 hours, we lost our friggin' computers and the lady on the plane said they'd still be here!!! Through gritten teeth, I try to politely ask the nice lady what she suggests we do. She said they have booked us on a flight the following morning and to get comfortable. I'm starting to get emotional again -- but, again, I don't cry.

Derek and I visit the Delta counter with all of the other people to see what to do. Delta, realizing their error, simply begins passing out vouchers for hotels and meals. Okay, we can do this. We'll just get some food, go to our hotel, have a pigout on the hotel bed and have a little sleepover. The only thing we need is food and Booger's car seat.

Food is first since the vouchers are only good in the airport. Hmmmm. Everything is dark. Oh, that would be because the vouchers are only good until 11pm -- which is when the food area closes. Wish we would have known that when they gave us our vouchers at 10:50. But wait, there is a nice Chinese gentleman waiving us toward his restaurant. He asks what we want and says he will stay open a little late to make sure we have food to eat. I love him.

We go down to the luggage center and ask what we can do to get to our luggage. We are told that all luggage will be automatically directed to our morning flight. Um, okay, but what if we need something? Well, that's easy. Simply fill out the form, turn it in and they can bring out our luggage in approximately 2-3 hours. Deep breath. That's okay, I'm still riding the high from the nice Chinese man (and Booger's almost out of her car seat), so I simply tell Booger that she'll have to ride in the shuttle like a big girl. So we're off to the shuttle that takes us to our hotel.

We get outside and, oooh, look, there are only about 80 other people waiting for the same shuttle. When the shuttle pulls in people literally climb all over eachother like they're trying to get the last two seats on Noah's flippin' Arc!!! I pull the girls back and explain that it's not okay to behave like that and we will be rewarded for our patience. They look at me like I've lost my mind. I'm getting emotional again and fight not to cry.

Okay, so we make it to the hotel. We open all of our Chinese food and realize we've forgotten forks. Now, we have no clothes, no toothbrushes and no soap but for some reason the lack of forks seems to put us over the edge. We simply stand there staring into the styrofoam containers. Hmmm. Okay, girls, if we were on Survivor how would we solve this problem? All of the sudden we were cracking up and devising new ingenious ways to eat our food! The next thing you know, we hit the vending machines and pigged out on Chinese food, sodas and candy while watching Shrek 3.

Before bed, we decide we will use the hotel phone to call home and check the answering machine. Maybe the nice police officer in San Francisco has found our bags. We have one message. It is a man. He was on the train with us in San Francisco. He says he is calling from our cell phone and has found our belongings. He says he realizes many people would not do the right thing upon finding items like ours. But he feels like Santa Claus and is returning our belongings to the Lost & Found at the San Francisco Station. He leaves all of the details on how we can retrieve our things. Before he hangs up, he says he hopes he has made our day and that he wishes us the very best for the rest of our trip. I finally begin to cry.

As I lay falling asleep that night, I tell Derek: the men in the Utah mine had a bad day. The people on the bridge that collapsed had a bad day. The day we had? It was full of memories, adventure and was spent with the people I love. My day was simply fantastic!

So now I am home and tomorrow I ride the Patriot course with the Tri Girls. Which is good, because I'm sure there is some repressed frustration in me right now!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I just realized that in 2 days and it will be less than 3 months til Ironman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's only 12 long workouts. Holy Flippn' Crap!!! Breathe in. . . breathe out. . . breathe in. . .

Charlottesville . . .

Before the C'ville recap, I have to say that I think I'm back to blogging again! Woohoo, because I really need to purge my training thoughts and I've missed doing so over the last two months!! Yesterday was the official end to the swim season for me -- well, sort of. I am President of a swim team that has over 175 kids. Managing the team, coaches, parents, etc. over the past few months has just about killed me -- and my "tri-desire". It's not that I don't still love training, it's just that running the swim team has taken so much out of me that I've just been clocking the training hours instead of enjoying my training time. And, my kids are finally willing to take me off the "Worst Mommy of the Year" list since I actually made them dinner the other night!! So, yesterday's triathlon success was really great for me -- both mentally and physically!


















So now to the race report:

Total time: 2:51.57 (4th in age group; 22nd overall/females)
Swim: 26:13 (4th in age group; 17 overall females)
Bike: 1:17.15 (1st in age group; 11 overall/females)
Run: 1:04.20 (6th in age group; 41 overall/females)

First, let me say there were only 9 girls signed up in my age group so I was TOTALLY scared that I'd end up last! Derek kept trying to tell me that at least I'd know I'd be top ten in my age group, but that didn't ease my nerves too much!! :D

Anyway, first off,

Swim: The swim was a double loop in a glassy, calm lake. There could have been a few more buoys since many people seemed to get confused but, all in all, it was a great swim. I managed to stay more on course than I usually do (except for the minor detour into the lily pads and reeds!) Also, apparently, with the double loop, there were quite a few people who decided to cut their swim short!! Derek and Melissa were watching the race and saw a few people come in after only one loop!!! Can you imagine?!? One guy even got out, hung on the beach for a minute (I guess trying to make his time look a bit more realistic) and then crossed the timing mat when he saw others in his age group coming out of the water. Honestly, how on earth can you call yourself a triathlete if you choose to cheat? I mean, really, if you're already choosing to lie, why don't you just not show up at all and then tell everyone you won. Losers. Anyway, I had a much better swim time than I anticipated since I've only spent 1 day in the pool since Eagleman. And, to be honest, I only spent a handful of days in the pool before Eagleman. My swim training is severely lacking but I'm re-energized and hope to be more dedicated in my efforts.



Bike: The bike was flipping AWESOME!!!! I was a bit apprehensive prior to the race because I know the C'ville Tri Club has some kick-ass athletes who really know how to ride the hills. I tend to be a pretty good hill rider so I do better on a hilly course but as I told my friend Jenn, "the C'ville Tri Club laughs in the face of my measly hill climbing ability!" I mean, c'mon, they train in the Blue Ridge all the time!! And, let's face it, I'm an okay swimmer but not a great runner -- so, really, the bike is the only area where I feel I can even try to be somewhat competitive. If it was a hilly course in Richmond, then maybe I'd have some kind of advantage, but in C'ville, I was definitely at a disadvantage!! Especially since I didn't know the course at all! In trasition I spoke to one girl who had raced the course last year and she told me that there were some decent hills but that there were no sharp turns or bad road conditions and that the race crew was really good about pointing out turns/hazards on the course. I figured I would just trust this girl's information and let it fly on the bike. As it turned out, there were a few tight turns where I feathered the brakes and got a bit skittish since I didn't know what was ahead but I felt pretty good when I was coming into the final stretch of the bike. When I entered transition I saw Derek and he looked awfully excited. I thought, "Aww, how sweet!! He knows how nervous I am about coming in last so he's really putting all he has into cheering me on!" Then as I came out of transition he yelled, "Hey, you're second!!! There's only one girl ahead of you in your age group!!" I just nodded as I thought, "What the heck is that crazy man talking about??" Then when I realized what he said, I thought "Oh crap! I'm not a good runner!! How am I supposed to hold anyone off in the run?"

Run: This was a hilly, rooty, rocky course and it was definitely challenging. I think I left it all on the bike so I had very little to give the hills of this run. At about mile 1, I saw one woman in my age group pass me. Alright, that's okay. Third's good. Really good. Then mile 2.5 came on and so did a big-ass hill! I walked. And up ran another girl in my age group. Damn. I watched her go and as I picked it up to a run again, I decided I was going to try to really push it from that point but it was too late. Holding off someone is one thing. Catching them is entirely different. As it turns out, I came in 4th and less than 4 minutes behind the 3rd place finisher. Bummer.

You know, I'm not so upset about coming in 4th -- I'm upset that I never believed I could come in above 9th. And then after I was told I was 2nd, I didn't think I could ever actually come in 2nd -- or 3rd. And since I didn't think I could do it, I didn't really try for it. I've always said that one time I want to finish a triathlon feeling really spent. You know, one of those people who pukes because they left everything out on the course. But, there's always some excuse that keeps me from really pushing it. Maybe because I'm scared of the disappointment of trying and then failing anyway. Or maybe it's because I was never an athelete in school and I still don't really think of myself as an "athlete". A couple weeks ago someone saw my license plate and asked me if I was a triathlete and do you know what my answer was? "Well no. I do triathlons but I wouldn't call myself a triathlete." I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I really need to work on crushing those negative thoughts. Logically I know it does me no good but it's still difficult to ignore. ARGH!

Anyway, the course was beautiful, the weather held out and the best part? I LOVE racing with the TriGirls (and Ed!). It's just so nice to run through the finish line to your "family". Or to be the "family" waiting there for your teammates to arrive. I love sharing in other people's accomplishments. Like Carmen. Thinking about her accomplishment in the swim yesterday still brings tears to my eyes today. She's a rock star. And Mary. She didn't tell anyone she was coming to the tri yesterday because she wasn't sure she'd show up! Not only did she show up, but she did a fantastic job!!! Derek was absolutely blown away by her performance and dedication. And, Lynn. Really, does anyone look happier when they cross a finish line? She really looks like she just had the time of her life!! And Susie. You know, being passed feels so much better when she passes you and yells out "Hey! You're hot!"

It was a great day!!

Yes, I'm still alive . . .

I was reminded today by my fave "Fave" that it has been exactly one month since my last post. What the heck?? Clearly I haven't been that busy have I???? Well, yes. Unfortunately, life has been so busy that I'm struggling with keeping all of my workouts on track. The best thing I ever did was to shout loud and clear at the beginning of this year that this was the "Year of ME". My volunteer obligations, part-time job and everything else was going to take second chair to one year of me following my dreams. But, that is so much easier said than done. I need to learn the art of saying "no"!

On a training note, I've gotten most of it in. But I miss the Tri Girls!!!! I am SOOOOO looking forward to riding with them on Saturday. It is amazing how much your teammates mean to you in your life. I mean, most of my close friends support me, but they really don't understand what I'm doing. To them the idea of 112 miles on a bike is simply a long car ride. Maybe a trip to King's Dominion and back. And the idea of foregoing social gatherings in order to fit in a training session or becauase you have to wake up early to train is downright NUTS!! Thank God for the gals who have bonded on this journey!!! I honestly couldn't do it without you all!!!!

Hope to see so many TG gals on Saturday!!!!! I need a fix!

Goodbye to Eagleman . . .

It's been 2 days since completing Eagleman and I finally think my thoughts have slowed to the point that I can put the entire ordeal into words. As far as the nitty-gritty, here are my stats:

Total time: 6:08:21.15
Swim: 39:46
T1: 4:46
Bike: 2:57:12 19
T2: 5:17
Run: 2:21:23 10:48 minute mile

All in all, the race was truly amazing! There are so many different, wonderful memories that come to me when I think back about the whole weekend that it's difficult to organize them all into a coherent "race" report.

Derek and I have a saying: "my heart took a picture." We say this when something amazing happens and it strikes our hearts in ways that we know we will never forget. My heart took many pictures this weekend. There was a moment when I saw my girls on the dock of the TriGirl house trying to catch fish and trap crabs with their Daddy. I am a lucky, lucky woman and I will never be able to express how thankful I am to have these wonderful children and this truly breathtaking man in my life.

There was another moment when I was taking some time to myself under a tree in the transition area and watching the TriGirls take a practice swim in the water. For just a second I closed my eyes and breathed in everything around me. How fortunate am I that I am in this place, with these miraculous women? What could I have done to deserve such an abundant amount of happiness in my life?

The morning of the race my heart will forever carry a picture of the TriGirls driving down the road with hoots and hollers as they arrived to pick me up. During the run, I will remember Carmen's smiling face as she told me how strong she felt. I will remember Susie Q's hands raised high in the air as I cheered her along as she passed me. I will remember Jonah's warm smile as I saw her starting out in her run. I will remember hearing my name and getting a renewed sense of energy when I saw Shawn and Karen cheering me on as I started the run myself. I will remember the kiss I got from my little Booger as I was starting out on my bike and the row of high five's I received as I was running down the finisher's chute. And I will always remember with vivid detail the look of love and admiration in my husband's eyes as he leaned down to kiss me and tell me how proud he was of all I had accomplished.

The details of the swim, bike and run are actually rather insignificant to me. Did I do as well as I wanted? No. Did I learn a lot of things to do next time? Yes. But I will forget my times and all of the things I would have done differently and the moments when "my heart took a picture" will be all that remains with me. And, I suppose, that is the real reason I do triathlons -- to remind myself that life is not easy, that pain is temporary and that every moment offers you the opportunity to be thankful for those special people in your life who make it worth the journey.

To all my teammates, who are now my friends, congratulations on reaching your dreams. And to my family, who will always be my love, my life and my inspiration, thank you for helping me reach my dreams and supporting me without fail.

Now, on to the next chapter . . . Ironman Florida.

Fliping out . .

The 1/2 IM is looming over me. At exactly 7:23 tonight it dawned on me that tomorrow is packing day. Thursday. The day before we leave to go to the 1/2 IM.
HOLY FLIPPIN' SH%T!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!




I have officially moved from channeling my nervous energy into full, ridiculously organized preparation to flat-out crazy, stupid, absent minded, flipping out!!!! I'm more nervous that I'm going to forget something --- like how to swim. Or to bring my bike. Or maybe I'll break my leg walking to check the mail. Or, what if a jelly fish stings my face? Or I can't fix a flat? Or I pass out from the heat during the run? Or I get kidnapped by a massive herd of wild rhino and can't escape fast enough to make it to the race???



Yes. I am now taking up every seat on the crazy train.